Or: How I went from "just helping out" to running a full-service feline resort
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I'm pretty sure it's actually paved with foster applications. What started as "just helping a few cats" has turned into my daily reality of managing four distinct personalities, two epic love stories, and one never-ending chase scene. Welcome to my beautifully chaotic life as a serial foster fail.
Let me introduce the cast of characters who've taken over my home, my heart, and my Amazon shopping history:
Vasiliy - The self-appointed landlord who showed up at my door in summer 2020 like he was checking into a hotel reservation he'd made months ago. This tabby gentleman took one look around and decided he was home. Four years later, he's still here, still acts like he owns the place (spoiler: he does).
Zaya - My December 2016 rescue from the bitter cold. This guy learned that warm houses and regular meals are pretty great, and he's been my loyal companion ever since. Currently serving as Leo's unwilling entertainment.
Leo - The ginger charmer who was supposed to be a temporary foster. His mission in life appears to be turning every day into his personal episode of "Tom and Jerry" with poor Zaya as his co-star.
Xena - Leo's tabby sister and fellow foster fail. She and Vasiliy have what can only be described as the greatest love story ever told, if love stories involved excessive grooming and synchronized napping.
Monday: The Week Begins
6:30 AM: Alarm goes off. Vasiliy, who has been sleeping on my head (because apparently my pillow is our pillow), stretches dramatically and begins his morning announcement to the household. This involves walking the length of my body while meowing his daily agenda.
6:31 AM: Xena appears from wherever she was sleeping (probably also on me somewhere) and immediately begins grooming Vasiliy's head. It's like watching the world's most adorable morning talk show.
6:45 AM: Leo has apparently decided that Monday mornings call for chaos. The thundering of paws overhead announces that the Leo-and-Zaya morning chase has commenced. Zaya, who just wanted to use the litter box in peace, is now participating in what Leo considers "friendship activities."
7:00 AM: Breakfast service begins. Four bowls, four different preferences, and one human referee ensuring Leo doesn't eat everyone else's food. Spoiler alert: Leo tries anyway.
Evening: Vasiliy and Xena have claimed the couch for their nightly grooming session. It's like watching a spa day, if spa days involved this much purring and the occasional gentle bite to the ear.
Tuesday: The Routine Continues
Morning: Zaya has learned to time his litter box visits for when Leo is distracted by breakfast. Smart cat. Leo has learned to eat faster so he can resume his favorite hobby of "following Zaya around the house." The eternal game continues.
Afternoon: I find all four cats arranged in a perfect sunbeam like they've been strategically placed by a photographer. Vasiliy and Xena are, naturally, intertwined in some impossible position that defies physics. Leo is sprawled nearby, one paw casually draped over Zaya, who looks resigned to his fate as a living pillow.
Evening: The great cardboard box discovery of Tuesday happens when an Amazon delivery arrives. Leo immediately claims it, Xena joins him, Vasiliy supervises from a distance, and Zaya pretends he's too sophisticated for box games (but keeps walking by just in case).
Wednesday: Hump Day Hijinks
3 AM: Leo has decided that 3 AM is the perfect time for what I call "midnight zoomies." This involves racing through the house at maximum velocity, occasionally using other cats as springboards. Zaya is not amused. I am definitely not amused. Leo is having the time of his life.
Morning: Vasiliy and Xena's morning routine has evolved into what appears to be competitive grooming. Who can clean the other's ears more thoroughly? It's adorable and slightly concerning.
Afternoon: I work from home, which means I have a rotating schedule of lap cats. Vasiliy prefers morning meetings (he has opinions about my colleagues that he shares loudly), while Xena saves herself for afternoon conference calls where she can provide background purring.
Thursday: The Plot Thickens
Morning: Leo has discovered that if he sits exactly where Zaya wants to go, eventually Zaya will have to interact with him. It's like the world's most persistent friendship campaign. Zaya's expression suggests he's considering filing a restraining order.
Noon: All four cats are somehow in the bathroom while I'm trying to work. It's like a feline board meeting, and I wasn't invited but I'm expected to provide snacks.
Evening: Xena and Vasiliy have synchronized their napping schedule so perfectly that they breathe in unison. Meanwhile, Leo is still trying to convince Zaya that they should also be a bonded pair. Zaya remains unconvinced but has stopped actively fleeing, which Leo considers progress.
Friday: TGIF (Thank God It's Feeding time)
Morning: The weekend energy is palpable. Even Zaya seems more tolerant of Leo's antics, possibly because he knows I'll be home more to serve as a distraction.
Afternoon: I attempt to do laundry. This involves removing at least two cats from the clean clothes basket, one cat from the washing machine (empty, thankfully), and explaining to Leo why he cannot, in fact, help me fold fitted sheets.
Evening: Friday night is apparently movie night in the cat world. All four are arranged on the couch in their preferred configuration: Vasiliy and Xena as the main feature, Leo draped dramatically across my lap, and Zaya maintaining a dignified distance of exactly two cushions away.
Weekend: The Plot Twist
Saturday: I discover that Leo and Zaya have reached some kind of détente. They're not exactly cuddling, but they're sharing the sunny spot by the window without any chase scenes. Character development!
Sunday: Vasiliy and Xena's love story continues with what can only be described as couples yoga. I find them in positions that would require a chiropractor if humans attempted them, but they look blissful.
Sunday Evening: As I prepare for another week, I count four cats arranged around me like furry satellites. Vasiliy is supervising from his perch, Xena is purring against my leg, Leo is sprawled across my keyboard (because of course), and even Zaya has migrated closer to the group.
The Reality of Foster Failing
Here's the thing about foster failing: it's not really failing at all. It's accidentally succeeding at creating a family. Sure, I intended to help a few cats find homes. I just didn't realize that the home they'd find would be mine.
Each morning starts with four different personalities demanding breakfast with four different levels of drama. Each evening ends with a living room full of contentment, punctuated by the occasional wrestling match or grooming session. The vet bills are astronomical, the fur is everywhere, and I haven't worn a black shirt without lint rolling it first in years.
And I wouldn't change a single whisker of it.
Because at the end of the day, when Vasiliy and Xena are doing their synchronized purring, when Leo has finally worn himself out from following Zaya around, and when all four of them are arranged around me like I'm the center of their universe, I remember why foster failing isn't really failing at all.
It's just love with extra steps. And extra litter boxes. And extra vet appointments. And extra everything, really.
But mostly love.
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